I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
