I accidentally burped into my bong.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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