Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
