dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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