We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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