I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
