The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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