God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
