he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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