I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
