The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
