apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
