It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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