Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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