he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
