sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
