Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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