Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
