Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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