i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
