Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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