i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
