Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
