If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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