dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize