I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
