come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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