Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
