Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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