great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
