Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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