Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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