just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
