i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
