woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
