I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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