The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
