My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
