I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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