Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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