yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
