I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
