i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
