She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize