She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
