Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
