For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
