Pappa wants mamma naked
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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