were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sext me about skeletons
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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