So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
