then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
