I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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