If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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