i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
