it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
