my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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