Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
