Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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