This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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