I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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