Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
