Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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