all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
