Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's like heaven, but drunker
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
