I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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