he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
