Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize