Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
