I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
