UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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