I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize