Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
