So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
false alarm, still single
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
