Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
