That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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