HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
