First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize