Im at strip club and am horny
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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