We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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