I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
