so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
