Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The adults are the big ones right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
