God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
