i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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