I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
