You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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