Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm having to shit out rocks
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
