Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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